Pregnant Chicken

Does My Baby Have a Tongue Tie?

Have you ever heard of a tongue tie? I’m not talking about when you get all confused end up sounding like a total asshole. I mean the physical connection between your tongue and the bottom of your mouth. It was something I had heard of but never given much thought, until my son was born with one and I needed a crash course in how to deal. So, what is it and why should you care? Tongue tie, also known as Akyloglossia, is a common congenital oral anomaly affecting the movement of the tongue.
Pregnant Chicken

20 One-Handed Snack Ideas

When my daughter was born, I thought I would read all sorts of books and magazines while blissfully cradling a sleeping newborn, sniffing her head and perhaps doing some light arts and crafts. Reality found me trying to use one hand to direct her head to my breast, which was being squeezed into unnatural shapes by my other hand. Then the nursing pillow would slip out of position, or the burp cloth would fall on the floor and I had to start all over again after readjusting. We all wish mothe
Pregnant Chicken

Mastitis - Dealing with the Boob Flu

Imagine feeling like you have the flu while also wondering if your boob might spontaneously combust and half of the at-home remedies involve painfully groping yourself.  Or, get mastitis and you won’t have to imagine any longer, you can live this dream turned nightmare. Mastitis is an inflammation and/or infection of the milk ducts. Both can be caused by milk stasis – aka, when the milk does not completely empty out of a milk duct. Frequently, mastitis will include a plugged duct and a plugged
Pregnant Chicken

Scary Shit Series - Placental Abruption

The placenta does not get nearly as much love as it deserves. For most of us, it is a passing curiosity. After my oldest was born the midwife asked if I wanted to inspect it. I looked at the weird bloody jellyfish she was holding and said, “Nah, that’s good enough.” Even the women who choose to plant / make art with / eat their placenta still may not spend a lot of time contemplating its role during the actual pregnancy. The umbilical cord gets all the credit for keeping the baby connected to
Pregnant Chicken

Scary Shit Series - Placenta Previa

Placenta previa always sounds like a horrible breakfast cereal to me. Ok kids, let me pour you a bowl of placenta previa! Now with marshmallows! In reality, it is the location of the placenta in regard to the cervix. Normally, the placenta is on the top or sides of the uterus. In a previa it is near / touching, partially covering, or completely covering the cervix. Affecting approximately .5% of pregnancies, it is one of the most common causes of painless bleeding in the third trimester.
Pregnant Chicken

Shower Games That Don't Suck

What I have come to realize over the last decade of babypalooza (I’m just at that age, I suppose) is that most of you hate them, too. However, I’m sure someone is reading this and thinking, “No! I love to sniff melted chocolate in diapers! There is nothing I love more than stilted conversations as we carefully avoid saying certain words! I WIN ALL THE CLOTHESPINS.” You have fun with all that shit. Us introverts and antisocial cynics will be over on the other side of the room pretending we don’t
Pregnant Chicken

WTF is with the Different Wipes?

Here’s a secret: most of parenthood is just wiping off various body parts and surfaces. Babies and are surprisingly leaky. Then there is postpartum bleeding and accidental milk letdowns. There are specialty wipes formulated for almost every accident, fluid, and germ. I bought a variety for my first baby. Mostly because they were brightly colored and smelled good and I was a postpartum mess of hormones and fear. If you buy them all, you will likely find them dried out before you ever get around
Pregnant Chicken

What’s so Great (and Not so Great) About Cloth Diapering

I do not, for the life of me, understand why the cloth diapering vs disposable diapering battle became a “thing.” Somehow it is one of those topics where people will defend their choices as though it really fucking matters. You could make an argument on the environmental front, I suppose, but as long as your baby’s butt is covered (unless you’re doing elimination communication), it is no way a reflection of your ability to parent your child.
National Lampoon | The Humor Magazine Est 1970

Wikileaks Releases Cease and Desist Order From EPA to Mother Nature

From the office of It has come to our attention that you have been engaged in prolonged subterfuge pursuant to the mythology of “climate change.” Your refusal to put forth a traditional winter for the period of 2016 – 2017 is in direct violation of the Climate Hoax Establishment Action Protocol (CHEAP), established January 20, 2017. The use of 80 degree days in February undermines the mission of the EPA by acknowledging the potential for measurable global warming. As you are aware, climate ch
Pregnant Chicken

Scary Shit Series – Respiratory Syncytial Virus (RSV) –

We all know kids are tiny germ vectors, arriving home with any number of disgusting illnesses to share with their unsuspecting families. Most are fairly inconsequential in the long run: colds, puke plagues, pink eye, etc. Parental war stories that are remembered mostly for the sheer amount of goop children can produce from various orifices. Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) is one childhood illness that has earned a nasty reputation, and for good reason.
Load More Articles